Archive for November, 2012

I don’t have OCD, I do have a fear of slippery slopes, meth is BAD… and I am now prepping for zombies

November 21st, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

I have a weekly ritual of setting up my medications for the week in a perfectly organized pill pack that has each day of the week and 4 slots per day for my meds. Yes I am OCD but only on non-cleaning things; actually by definition I am not OCD at all… boy have I bought into the overuse of OCD… digression already, new record!

I always forget I have two meds that need to be cut in half and always ask the hubby for a paper towel or plate and knife when I get to those last two. You know how sometimes an inside joke is so over done but you keep doing it, yeah me too, it’s coming up. I have my IPhone with me while getting my medication prep work done for the week. Like the majority of people in America, let alone the population of stay at home mothers coupled with the people with a chronic illness, it’s opened to Facebook. The mom’s meth lab comments start which apparently means I must update my closest 350 something friends on Facebook that my family accuses me of making meth on a weekly basis.

Status Update: “You know you take too many pills when you ask for a knife, a paper towel and your pill case and the weekly meth lab jokes begin”

An awesome friend pointed out that they make pill cutter things, but I had to keep it real and let her know I like a certain element of danger so I prefer my paper towel and fruit knife method (not sure if there is a more professional chef-like name for it). Plus I like the last sliver of denial I am holding onto about being chronically ill and a pill cutter might throw me over the edge. I mean seriously, I still haven’t filled out my handicap car decal paperwork from 6 months ago and I turn the channel if I have to see the hover-round commercial. It is a slippery slope to acceptance and I really am not ready to slide down that slope face first or on my ass. I am waiting until they install a hand rail or at least until I can safely roll in a graceful manner on a day when I am not wearing a dress… or pajamas

Back to my point, not sure if you are following but the point is meth. I thought it would be funny to know how to make meth so next week I can rattle off all the things I will ask my family to bring me to make my meth when I prep my meds. No, we don’t have all of the items and I know meth is NOT funny… but me pretending to make it is kind of funny, I mean to me anyway.

So within 5 minutes I have become a meth expert, which is kind of like doing homework to learn about the state I live in. Missouri is the number 1 spot for meth labs in the US. It’s also the state of the first parachute jump, home to the invention of the ice cream cone and iced tea (I am all about education people!)

This whole meth thing has me baffled though, it’s a lot of work. Why don’t these people just go buy beer or pot even, I mean I know it’s not legal in my state but I have moved a few times and moving and taking up recreational pot is probably easier than cooking up meth on a regular basis, plus methed out people are so not hot. Wanna be methies should Google some images of meth users before going all the way. I wasn’t exactly on the fence but it scared the shit out of me.

So in short I am not making meth, one part because it’s tedious and likely to blow up, one part because meth is unarguably bad and turns people into Walkers, yeah that’s right… zombism. Apparently my state is cookin it up so this whole zombie apocalypse might start here… I need to get ready, off to Bass Pro shop!

Zombies /  Meth addicts… too hard to tell the difference

5 Things I Learned From Being Recently Admitted to the Hospital

November 9th, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

1.   Most Nurses are awesome, most ER visits however suck!

A few no shit quotes from Doctors from this last visit

“It could be worse, you have something rare that we don’t know how to treat, but it doesn’t seem to be terminal. We see things much worse than this” Wow, umm, thanks…

“In India there isn’t a specialist in the entire country for what you have.” Umm, we are still in Missouri, right?

“Has anyone ever talked to you about a pacemaker?”  OMFingG Go Away!

(Next doctor) Me “I have had a few doctors mention a pacemaker in the last 6 months but then have also been told it might not benefit me because of my other health issues” Cardiologist “No, you are too controversial for a pacemaker. Whatever would give you the idea that would be a course of action?” umm… like I JUST said other doctors said it to me… never mind, you’re right I am just making this shit up that was me punching him in the stomach…

“What medications are you taking?” Umm look at the paper in front of you, I have answered this 3 times in the last 5 hours.

(Next Doctor) “You are handling this Bradycardia very well, I am surprised you can carry on conversations and are eating well” again all these compliments… I guess the slurred speech and one meal in 24 hours was impressive.

“Since we can’t do anything to increase your heart rate without the risk of sending you into tachycardia we may just discharge you.” Oh, sounds very medically sound.

(Moments after the last quote) “Well, your heart rate is at 60 right now, that’s great.” It was at 60 for less than the 30 seconds I dreamed of having enough energy to absolutely flip out. Then we were back at 43

2.Some Hospital policies make NO sense!

At the first hospital they drew blood then decide I need to go to the more hard core hospital. Ambulance is called and I am momentarily distracted by dreams of hot EMTs carrying me away… Then the overweight late 50 something guy shows up and we all learn that my previously drawn blood cannot go via ambulance with us, it has to be taken by cab… WHAT THE F@CK?? Seriously, the EMT guys can save my life but not hold some vials of blood… I explain that I myself have been responsible enough to transport my own blood since the day I was born.

After arriving at the hard core hospital my cabby had not yet made it, proving the efficiency of this policy. The nurse in with us was just as frustrated and amused. We then discovered it’s a $200 fine if you barf in a cab so what happens if my blood spills?

3.The whole writing things down is a conspiracy!

They are NOT writing down the medications you are taking and the symptoms you are having, it’s a huge conspiracy. Next time I am demanding to see what they are doing with that pen and paper when I am done talking because I am pretty sure they are drawing stick figure art.

I have done this enough to have been prepared. I have a print off of all my meds, dosages and if I have any side effects from them, all the things I have been diagnosed with, my doctor’s names and phone numbers and at the bottom I fill in why I am at the hospital now with all my current symptoms.

This paper was given to no less than eight times over the 24 hours until someone asked when I was alone and had no energy to answer. It was kind of a cold stare and my scarily suggesting they look at the notes everyone else wrote down.

4.I have a medical fantasy of waking up to Dr. House wheeling me out of my room and telling me he will either fix me or I will not make it through the night.

I am a gal of a great many day dreams. No, I don’t really want some experimental treatment that may kill me. I think I want someone so sure of how to ‘fix’ me they are willing to take a huge risk… or maybe I like callous, intelligent, flippantly sarcastic men willing to gamble with my life. I never said I was the most mentally stable gal…

5.Hospital blankets make great consolation prizes.

Yes, I am a rebel… I totally took that blanket. I figure the first hospital sent me into the ambulance and off to the second hospital with it so it was kind of like a gift anyway. I have to say hospital blankets are by far my favorite consolation prize. I may go throw it in the dryer right now for that warm blanket on the couch forget about life for a while feeling…

clicks, comments and haters all in a row

November 5th, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Carrie, Carrie, quite contrary,
How does your Blog grow?
With a few clicks and comments
And my single first hater message all in a row.

It has been so much fun writing and watching my baby Blog grow. I have heard other bloggers talk about the occasional ‘hater’ message and mine in all honesty was not so much hater and more someone who is probably very nice who just doesn’t get my humor. Not all Blogs are for all people, if you’re looking for the mom who writes about when her best foot is forward with lots of happy face pics there are TONS out there. I’ll just say mine is a bit more when my worst foots forward because let’s face it, that’s when shit gets funny.

“Just Mildly Medicated,
I like your blog and think you are funny but all the posts about your children include a reference to Child Services. I can’t help but wonder if we should we have concern about this? Do you think you might need someone to talk to?”

Nah, I just happen to have a few friends who either are or were in the child services field. My best friend is one who I talk to almost daily and over the years we’ve started a few conversations with “This isn’t Child Services worthy but…” I have no problem admitting I have had more than a few moments that looked bad.

One time my younger son, who throws a fit like I have never seen, and I have 4 kids, was being taken upstairs on a wonderful Fall day in Georgia for a time out of a huge magnitude. I was being all awesome and keeping my voice calm and holding his hand. He seemed like he was already calming down then out of nowhere he wailed and jumped up and lifted his legs. At the same time I am looking through the screen door to see a jogger in front of the house while I was frozen with a screaming dangling small child.

Another one that sticks was when I almost lost my mind at Target. My older son was maybe 6ish, he was in and out of the racks and walking away from me. I finally had enough and leaned in and whispered all scarily ‘if you don’t knock it off you won’t make it through this day’. Yeah, totally stood up and a woman was right there. She looked at me and we all knew I handled it wrong. Kiddo got an apology.

If you don’t have these types of stories you either haven’t been parenting long enough or you kids are grown and you forgot.