Archive for December, 2012

Blog Dare: Favorite Post of 2012

December 30th, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

When Bloggy Moms own Tiffany North threw out the Blog Dare of a favorite blog post of 2012 it was an easy pick for me. Oddly enough it was a somewhat overlooked post compared to some of my others but my favorite none the less.

The Blog Dare on Bloggy Moms

To Jack Ass Events and future resume bullet points! <~ click

 

Friday’s Letters

December 28th, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Friday’s Letters

Dear Bank Account,

I am sorry I ripped so much from you so quickly. It really wasn’t my fault, the pressure from this old guy in a red suit was just too overwhelming to deny. I will make every attempt to make it up to you over the next few months.
Financially yours,
Me

Dear Birthday,
You were awesome, well actually you suck but my family made you awesome. As a matter of fact birthday, I think you owe my family a thank you card. Without them I may have been in a corner drunk telling you to go away.
Another year older,
Me

Dear Authors,
It would be great if you could stop writing so many great books, I mean just for a little while. I am never going to finish writing a book if I spend all my time reading your books.
Thank you for your consideration,
Me

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Friday’s Letters (on a non-apocalyptic Saturday)

December 22nd, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

So I am late on Friday’s Letters, with the world supposedly ending I figured ‘no biggie’ yet we are all still here. That was the most uneventful end of the world since 1999!

Dear Mayans,
I get it, you were done with the whole calendar into the future project. I mean you do deserve a high five for how far you got but a simple “to be continued…” would have eased a few wackados.
Me

Dear Future Cultures,
Lets ease up on the whole day of doom predictions, they’re anticlimactic and make you look like idiots the day after.
Me

Dear Zombie Apocalypse,
If the shit was going to go down you had my vote. I was studying up on the what to do and what not to do from watching The Walking Dead. I am now packing away the cross bow, silencer and baseball bat. Maybe next time.
Me

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Retraining my eyes, MFBF – Monocular Fixation in a Binocular Field

December 18th, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Retraining my eyes

If it isn’t one thing with Dysautonomia it’s another. The symptoms I was having 6 months ago are being treated and while I’ve had improvement, I would dare to even say I had the month of October being pretty much symptom free. All that went out the window when not only did new symptoms develop but some oldies came back from a short hiatus.

One day, and no gradual progression I mean literally one day, I looked to the right where my husband was talking and I said, “umm there are 2 of you, and of everything for that matter.” My vision did calm down and I took it as a pre-syncope moment, pretty standard for my chronic illness. We then went to lunch and I was reading the menu and looked up and thought I was about to pass out because everything, and I mean everything, had gone double, maybe triple, it was hard to tell in my internal panic. This was going to be a tough one to feign denial with.

A few days in the house and it didn’t seem to be happening as often, then I went to meet a friend for lunch. I was doing okay until I turned my head to look for a land mark and holy camoly I had to pull over for a minute. Selfishly all I could think was ‘crap they are going to take my license’. I did get to lunch and home okay but have not driven since then.

As if the fact my heart rate and or blood pressure could drop or rise at any given moment isn’t enough to make social situations hard for me. Just imagine for a second being mid-conversation and the other person looking like they are suddenly about to fall asleep, start swaying or they start talking too fast and sweating, that’s me with my all over the place heart rate and blood pressure. Now I get to add that I may or may not be actually looking at you because I am trying to figure out which of you is real. Luckily one of you is usually oddly translucent so as long as I am not seeing dead people I can usually get it right.

So I put a call into my Autonomic Specialists office. I know eye dilation is part of the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) so when I come inside from outside it stays dark for me longer than it does someone whose eyes dilate properly on their own, opposite for going outside, it is very bright for me for a while until I can adjust. It was reiterated that  ANS and dilation are connected but still advised to see an optometrist to rule out any other vision issues.

I didn’t expect much when I went to the eye doc. I usually spend most of my visit with anyone in the medical field explaining Dysautonomia. I mean I get it, it’s a rarely diagnosed chronic illness but seriously medical community, a not properly functioning ANS is not a sudden development of a third eye.

So I write on my paperwork that I have Dysautonomia and I watch him as he reads it. He looks up and says “hmm, so all the automatic nervous system things misfire; is it always or does it come and go?” WOWSER! A real question instead of ‘what’s that.’ I can’t even get that from any cardiologists in town! At this point I am seeing floaty stars and hearts over this Docs head. I have a glimmer of hope that he will work with me and my condition instead of just throwing in the towel and saying something about how I have a rare condition and he doesn’t know what to do with me.

Instead of surrender I was given an explanation of the ciliary muscle, a muscle that through the ANS contracts and relaxes to allow a smooth transition from up close to then far away objects. I wasn’t able to process all the needed transitions from seeing my hands on the steering wheel to the car in front of me, not to mention my surroundings. It is amazing to think of how many things our eyes, or better yet at this point your eyes, can process all at once. It is actually called a spasm of accommodation, meaning almost every natural accommodation my eyes try to make causes a spasm instead of the instantaneous adjustment the eye should make on its own.

Eyeglasses or contacts are the usual answer for visual issues, however this requires something a bit different. My eye glass prescription has been adjusted greatly and we are adding a few vision therapy sessions daily. The first will be MFBF – Monocular Fixation in a Binocular Field, or as I call RGGG – Red Green Goofy Glasses. I place red and green films over the computer screen, book or kindle and wear these amazingly in style red and green filmed glasses. The idea is for therapy to encourage the muscles around my eyes to work in sync. Not sure if it will work but wow do I look cool while we try!

trying to type this post with Red Green Goofy Glasses
Much cooler Instagram photo…

yes this is the cool version, stop laughing!

(if you are in the Columbia Missouri area Advanced Vision Dr. Jalai OD tell him the Mildly Medicated Gal sent ya)

Friday’s Letters

December 14th, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Friday’s Letters

Dear 9 year old son,
Way to stick it to the man with that whole barfing spaghetti while sleeping on your top bunk bed last night. By stick it to the man I mean your Dad since he was stuck on barf duty.

Love,
Me

Dear 4 year old daughter,
While I admit you are very entertaining, however, this imaginary friend from imaginary dance class who broke her arm only to have it fall off a week later should really not be shared with everyone we meet. I mean I can share it all over the internet but it is a bit awkward in person with strangers.

Thank you for your consideration,
Me

PS I know you are thinking it… yes I am pretty sure her imaginary friend is a well choreographed- tutu wearing- imaginary dance class attending- FREAKIN ZOMBIE WALKER!

Dear 18 year old daughter,Could you chill with the whole 18 thing, I am starting to feel a bit on the old side.  Most of my friends know I have decided to stop aging at 28 so this is heading in a Jerry Springerish direction…

Keep aging and I will cut you,
Me

Dear 7 year old son,
Like a Boss my son, like a Boss! Hubby went to have lunch with him at school and kiddo said he couldn’t sit with his dad until he finished his job. This week he was in charge of transporting the class lunch boxes to the cafeteria. That kind of work ethic is bound for at least middle management!

Love,
Me

Dearest Hubby,
Thanks for picking up this gals slack when the spoons ran out, the fork you gave me was quite nice also…The Spoon Theory  <~~ if you don’t know it click here

Love,
Me

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Don’t let your chronic illness define you

December 12th, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

It sounds poetic, profound even maybe inspiring. Sadly at times for me it feels like an unreachable goal.

Although I do suffer from several overlapping chronic illnesses I am one of the very lucky ones. I am surrounded by people who make effort to understand, people who love me and want to boost me up. Some have taken a little while to come around but all and all I don’t have the struggle that so many with an invisible illness do in having loved ones not believe it is as debilitating as it can be. I empathize though; it must be hard to see me one week doing Pilates or maybe dressed and put together and off for lunch with friends then another week exhausted and symptomatic by seemingly nothing. I know it has to be hard for someone else to understand because it is hard for me sometimes and I am the one who feels it. I do believe it is a roller-coaster for all involved.

Now I am not saying it’s been all peaches and creme. I talk about The Spoon Theory whenever I can trying to make attempts to encourage friends and family to read and understand as well as sharing it with other ‘spoonies’ as a tool. I have a spoon twibbon on my personal FB page and have posted about it there as well. My husband, who has been amazing through all of this, just read it last week. He had an ‘ah ha’ moment that we are both thankful for, but again I have been sharing this for almost 2 years now. What’s that? You haven’t heard of it… I will share the link at the bottom.

So I have some ideal factors in this chronic illness scenario; married to a loving man who is caring and patient, mother to 4 kids who all have an age appropriate understanding of my health, active duty military means my medical expenses do not burden us financially, friends near and far who are amazing oh and the simple fact that I have a diagnosis. My intent is not meaning to be a downer at all. I have more than my share of things to be thankful for, but even knowing that I was still struggling with that phrase ‘Don’t let your Illness define you’.

I am a wife, but my illness has had an impact on my marriage. I am a mother, but my illness has left me unable to do things I would like to do with my children. My husband and children have all had to see the toll my illness takes on me. I want to visit my mother, but my illness impairs my ability to travel alone. I love to write and would like to be a published author but the reality is my illness does lay the conditions in which I am able to write. I love to workout, my illness determines if I am able to. As much as I am attempting to avoid the woes me I think you get the point. How do you not allow yourself to be defined by something the seeps creepily into every aspect of your life?

The answer actually came from the very same person who posed the statement, a person also going through a life altering struggle. The original comment he made resonated in my mind for a night and day, mind you a night and day where my illness had such a grip on me that I was in bed the whole time. I was in a darker place than normal, frustrated with new symptoms and still angry the old symptoms had not even the common courtesy to bid farewells to make room for the new. My illness is severely lacking in good manners! So I asked him, expecting a vague answer along the lines of ‘I don’t know, I am trying to figure that out too.’ An answer I could be mad at, one that wasn’t an answer and could validate my festering need to throw something.

Instead the response I received was poetic, profound and maybe even inspiring. I was surprised to hear a goal within reach.

“Shoot to be defined by your continuing amazing response to what’s happening to you.”

Now my response to my situation isn’t always something to bring amazement, I wish I were as strong as some imply I am. I will say the urge to throw things subsided again. I cannot control what is happening to me but I can control my reaction to it. Now don’t get me wrong, at some point I am going to share with you that I did in fact throw something and I hope I don’t apologize for it too much. I have earned the right to throw something. However, for now I will focus on my response to what’s happening to me and attempt to do so with some grace.

The Spoon Theory

Friday’s Letters

December 7th, 2012 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Dear Potentially Awesome Novella,

I know you want someone else to read you. I also know it is cliché but really, it isn’t you it’s me. I have to finish you, reread you and then pick you apart and put you back together. We then have to perfect a query letter, wait for response and go from there. I promise, someone will read you besides just me, patience is a virtue… not that you are the most virtuous novella.

Love,
Me

 

Dear Bar Hopping Days,

Thank you for preparing me for the day my 9 year old came home and asked if I knew what chugging a drink was. I quickly filled a 32 oz water and went for it, he was impressed… I am awesome. Beverage chugging and my awesomeness, these are the lessons I want to teach my children in preparing them for the world.

Love,
Me

 

Dear People Offended by Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and or any other Holiday terms,

You are a douche. Seriously, we should not be talking. If someone wants to wish me anything good I will gladly take it. If someone would like to pray for me to whomever they feel may be listening I will gladly accept and be thankful. No one is trying to brainwash you or erase the history of your people, chill out!

Love,
Me

 

Dear Room Mom,

It’s about time you get on the plans for our classroom Holiday party in which no Holiday can be represented. Wait, what’s that? I am the Room Mom? Alright then let’s get this ‘Christmas, Hanukkah and whatever else is this time of year’ party started!!
Love,
Me

 

Dear 4 year old daughter,

You are amazing! Thank you for planning a surprise party for my birthday and putting everyone in the family in change of something and lovingly adding my job is to go upstairs and then to be surprised. The fact that you’ve discussed it with me all day every day for more than a week is fine, completely forgivable until today when you said “Mom if you ruin the surprise you will break my heart.”  Umm is this is trick? I am off to practice my surprised face…
Love,
Me


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