Archive for the ‘Friday’s Letters’ Category

Funny Friday: My Facebook friends are asses.

May 3rd, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

My Facebook friends are asses, kind of awesome asses but yep, asses.

I came out of a chronic illness fog and took a shower, added some fake tanning lotion so I could look a bit more like part of the living world, and actually did my hair. I admit I lost the energy for the effort and threw on a T-shirt and pajama pants and and didn’t even consider make up, but the point is I was more together than normal. Now as my chronic illness peeps know this is a feat for celebration. I needed photographic evidence that I was out of a zombie-like trance.

My photographer is four years old so most of the pics were of my leg or had such a blurry artistic edge I was unidentifiable. So like any 16 year old (or mom with no one around to take a picture) I selfied.

Selfie – A picture taken of yourself that is planned to be uploaded to Facebook, Myspace or any other sort of social networking website. You can usually see the person’s arm holding out the camera in which case you can clearly tell that this person does not have any friends to take pictures of them so they resort to Myspace to find internet friends and post pictures of themselves, taken by themselves.
Urbandictionary.com
 
Ouch Urban Dictionary, I can’t help it that I am home alone geesh!

So on to how my Facebook friends are asses. I mean they are actually awesome but for the record in this post they are asses. I trusted them, I really trusted them. I cannot believe they have put me in this position.

What position you ask…

The position of looking like the crazy lady that brings her dog to Walmart for a photo session. Okay dog lovers, I don’t mean PetSmart photos with Santa or even family photo with your dog included, I am all about that. I mean blue back drop with a “photographer” telling you to look off in the distance (that would be the dog) creating a cheap kind of creepy image.

I am not fishing for compliments, I think its kind of cute… dog looks a tad stoned after looking at it too much during this middle of the night review. For all intent and purposes it is a fine photo and once almost 40 of the Facebook asses liked or commented on it I thought to myslef “self, lets make it a profile pic.”

Well as you know profile pics are tiny, and it looked even more portrait studio crazy.

So I updated my status “I just noticed my profile pic looks like a goofy walmart photo backdrop… it’s a denim couch. You would have told me if I look like walmart photo girl right? Hmm can I really trust you? “
 
So as of now you are thinking holy narcissism woman, who cares about your selfie Facebook picture. I promise it is worth it.

My Facebook friends (who are asses because they didn’t mention this BEFORE) pretty much confirmed my suspicions.  I continued it further by really deciding if it was bad 80’s creepy photo or more of a school picture.

That is when the awesomeness ensued…

I kid you not, this is where the asses became the awesome.

I was sent this…

 

Oh yes and this…

Then this…

If you were wondering I am leaving the original as a profile picture for awhile. Mostly because I don’t feel like showering and doing my hair in the same day but also because it reminds me that my friends are asses, but awesome asses!

HOUR LATER UPDATE: My amazing blogging buddy pal saw this and said “I did tell you that. I made a Walmart comment.” Sure enough on the original pic in with the comments was “Vicky the awesome chick from The Pursuit of Normal “Wow! Walmart had some creative backgrounds. Just kidding;)”

Stuff Said and Meeting My Good Friend Jenny

April 12th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

4 year old asks me to tuck her in, no joke she snuggles in and says
“When you grow up you will make a great servant”
Me: “Oh honey, Mommy is a grown up… and a servant”


7 year old at the dentist
Dental Hygienist: “How are you today?”
7 year old: “Good, can I get some laughing gas?”

Lighten up Grumpy Cat, some of us like it…


Hubby was out of town, kids in bed, and I am happily reading in my room…
10 year old: “Mom, since Dads not here can you look at my balls?”
Me: “Umm what the… umm what?”
10 year old: “Something hurts”
Me: “Okay, well for starters you are wearing your younger brother’s underwear… maybe just take care of that”



Me at the Arby’s drive through
Me: “I’d like your smallest jamocha shake”
Drive through gal: “off the value menu or a small?”
Me: “Whichever is smaller…”
Drive through gal: “So a small?”
Me: “I don’t know, is it the smallest?”

Things that only make sense when you meet The Bloggess, otherwise referred to as ‘my good friend Jenny’

“Do you need me to hold your chicken?”

“I feel under dressed without a choir robe”

“Do you want my shoes?”

“Thanks for bringing your monkey.”

Friday’s Letters; A Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

March 8th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Dear Me,

Sweet 16, I have so many things to share with you but have been mindful to not to give too much. We really don’t want to change the course of things in any major way. You actually end up doing quite well. I will say quickly that your hair, in all its big glory, is going out of style fast. I know, hard to believe! You should go to a stylist, the one your step-mother knows, really talk to her about your hair. The sooner we move on from this teasing thing the better.

Our birthday makes us 16 before other people in our grade. You could be driving and working in your freshman year of HS… I mean I know you’re not but just a few suggestions. Driving and cash would be helpful with several things around the corner.

In all seriousness, you are at a time in life before some big life altering decisions have to be made. Future you will always look back on this time as the easy fun time before things get real. Enjoy it, make goofy noises with your BFF in the hall way and love the feeling of the cool-kids spot in the back of the school bus. You’ll need these memories later, they serve us well. It would be nice to make a few subtle changes that could really help us out though. The boy, yep that boy, stop needing him. He doesn’t define you and surprisingly not only does he not want to but its the thing he dislikes the most.

Also the lying, I know it’s hard, but you have to stop. You’ll learn much later that you do it as a coping defense. I know you; you’re reading this and saying ‘I do not lie’and I know you aren’t doing it much right now because things are good, but you did and you are about to start again. Hon, I am you and know that you are lying to yourself most of all. It’s hard to believe right now but you are good enough without the extra added rewrites to things you keep giving. If you could use the creative rewrites you give to your life and put them on paper with fictional characters it will serve us well later on. I would appreciate it actually; I know you’re afraid of not being good enough but if you start writing the way you want to now I would consider it a personal favor.

Take the time to listen when your friends are talking to you. Again, you are so concerned with if they like you or not that you are not hearing them. I can’t name names because I don’t want it to change your relationships and nothing you do can actually change the events but as of right now you know someone that’s been abused, several actually but someone in particular you’d never expect. You know someone who is considering suicide, and they’ll do it. You know someone who will battle cancer and someone who will face every day with a chronic illness. You know people who will live abroad, run marathons, report the news and become soldiers. These are real people that you have been given the opportunity to get to know, don’t waste it. Oh, and take more pictures.

You should pay attention and really promote safe sex. A lot of people you know are going to end up having babies in the next few years. None of them will regret the amazing children they have and maybe that is exactly how it is supposed to be, but still… no condom no sex. Just an idea…

Be kind to your kid sister. Being a sibling is actually a very important role and she wants you, needs you, to pay attention. She is a great kid with a big heart that only grows bigger in time. Oh, you’re going to have another sister too. We will address that in your 18th birthday letter.

You are about to leave your small town, and I mean a lot sooner than you think. It will be abrupt and you don’t have the coping skills for it. Part of you is about to break, I am sorry but back then I think  I would have wanted to be prepared so it’s the least I can do to give you a heads up. It won’t last long, well forever to you but your Sophomore and Junior year in reality. When you come back everything and everyone will have grown and changed during the time you weren’t there.  When you realize this another part will break and to be honest if we don’t find a way to cope a part of us will be frozen and confused about people and expectations for a long time. Find words for what is going on; say them, write them but most of all share them. It would be a good habit.

By the way, your parents (including step parents) are real people, they have had complicated relationships and life experiences. You can talk to them. If you tell them how you feel (not the dramatic rewrite that sounds like a slightly more marketable after school special version of how you feel) it might be easier for them to act in your best interest. You can’t embellish, act, erupt and shut down and expect people to understand who you are.

Just so you know, keep on being a hopeless romantic.  You really will be swept off your feet by a good looking faithful man who will love you not only despite all your flaws and Carrie-isms but crazy enough he loves you for them. He will support you, forgive you and cherish you. It doesn’t mean it’s all easy, but when you love someone and they love you back it isn’t chaotic or a battle of wills. So please say goodbye to the wrong ones a little faster.

I know, I know. You want to wrap this up so you can listen to the Top Five at nine and try and record your favorite song of the moment, maybe The Humpty Dance from Digital Underground or I Wanna Sex You Up from Color Me Badd, oh or is it Losing My Religion from REM.  By the way you still know all the words and get supper giddy when any of the songs you listen to now come on.

You are awesome!

Me, or You… whatever

PS I almost included a pic so you can see how things turn out but at 16 the image for real happily ever after might look a little… well not what you have in mind at 16. You’ll just have to wait and see.

Friday’s Letters; Texas Roadhouse and the nuts…

February 22nd, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Dear Texas Roadhouse wait staff,

I swear I am a a great mom and I try to be an awesome person. I do not know why when my family comes into your restaurant I end up saying the most unfiltered things. The first time I thought it was because I had a drink and I am a light weight these days due to my becoming a bit of a shut it (okay mild exaggeration) and also my over all opinion that drinking alone just makes me laugh out loud and so often I make myself feel awkward (true story) so I don’t drink much.

So the first time I started this trend of embarrassing my family at your establishment, which I of course shared publicly right here during a confessions of a Mildly Medicated Mom, I think we all thought it was a fluke. My boys, at the time 7 and 9, were busy cracking peanuts and mom was sipping on some frozen fruitiness drink with a goal of feeling fuzzy. College town, packed place and cute waitress all around when I decide to give my sons the praise they deserve “Thanks for taking care of your nuts under the table!” Woa… the music stopped as I said this way to loud cause I am in that ‘I love you man’ phase of fuzzy. Ahh we laughed, we almost cried… well older son almost cried.of embarrassment and my husband and I almost cried because that was hilarious.

So we went a few nights ago and in the car we even had a laugh about the comment. I will be damned if when the waitress comes for our order I was not feeling great so I was a bit distracted, and I am ordering for 3 kids and myself and good god if someones order is wrong… well its high stakes (pun  intended sorry). While I am reciting the details of meals outside of my view the hubs smashes a peanut on his forehead . I was annoyed, ‘I am trying to get YOUR orders correct could you kids calm down’ is on the tip of my tongue.. and then BAM! My 7 year old smashes a peanut shell on his forehead so hard it shocks all of us. My immediate response was “GOOD LORD SON DO NOT SMASH NUTS ON YOUR FACE!”

I’ll be damned, it was in between songs again! The boys (including my husband) tried to keep it together, they really did, but of course what boys wouldn’t lose it over that one. Any hint of the words nut or ball, even if I ask “Do you want cheese balls” is grounds for my 10 year old to fall apart in hysterics then pulling the 7 year old in with him. The hubs is falling apart because 1) totally his fault and 2) the obvious yet unintended sexual innuendo which at this point was well over the kids heads (give em a few years and they’ll laugh all over again at these). My hubs owned up to starting it and I just shook my head mumbling things like ‘who does that’ until our food came.

I just hope you continue to find us amusing because we do love it there…

A few nuts shy of the circus,
Me

Friday’s Letters: Celebrities in the Hood!

February 15th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

I don’t do writing prompts often, and when I do I usually break all the rules anyway…

So instead of  “Five People (from any time in history)You Would Like to Have Dinner With” I have chosen to give my top 5 ALIVE NOW (no dead people, that’s yucky) celeb families I’d like to move into my neighborhood.

Dear celebrities that I would like to move into my neighborhood,

While I have to admit I have a pretty awesome crew of friends I wouldn’t mind any of these families being new additions around the corner. It will be great, we can bring each other meals when we are sick, have Moms Night Out and even host some football parties and stuff. I am not the interview type and I am not looking to touch your sleeve or anything creepy. Just solid book club and family friendly block parties. So if you are looking for a new place let me know.

Thanks for considering my hood,
Me

Drum Roll Please:

The Affleck- Garner crew-

Are they not the BOMB!?!

The Hasselbeck crew-

I would even be cool enough to say “Hey, umm guys…
you have something right there… yeah on your lip”
pic from http://milksociety.blogspot.com

The Spelling (or is it McDermott) crew:

My hood needs more people
walking a leashed goat and wheel barreled kids!
pic from from US Weekly
The Shields crew-

aboutmovies.com

The Fox crew-

“A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Cure Parkinsons’ Event

So, who do you want in your hood?

Fridays’s Letters: Morning Announcements, Lights and The Brady Bunch

February 1st, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Dear Children,

Yes, I make announcements. At some point during the day I try to keep an even tone without being a creepy mom and say, “There will be no running, no yelling, and no playing anything in the house that includes running, yelling or touching for that matter. Please pick up after yourself. Reminder; you will be asked to help clean up at some point, please refrain from eye rolling and huffing as you know it is coming already it should not surprise or depress you.”  After a few slouches and huffs I reply, “Yes, I am aware these are the same announcements every day. Yes, I am glad you understand these are the same announcements every day.”

So if you find this as redundant as I do WHY ARE YOU RUNNING IN THE HOUSE?

Confused (because I have faith that you understand),

Me

Dear First Grade Curriculum,

Let’s start covering the conservation of electricity, I could use the help. I will say curriculum, I know it is not your burden alone but during my announcements I have added “and turn off the light when you leave the room” in response to EVERY LIGHT ON THE MAIN FLOOR BEING ON. I added in my spiel “I know you guys cover electricity and water conservation in school.”  My 4th grader said yes and rattled off ways to conserve on both water and electricity, mind you this is why I have faith that you guys understand. Our 1st grader, in a very serious tone, added “That is not part of 1st grade education.”

So in hindsight you probably are covering it, maybe we need some coloring pages…

Wasted Energy,

Me

Dear Brady Bunch,

Y’all really are timeless. My boys were channel flipping and watched 2 classic episodes. They actually liked it. I mean after they were done mocking the hair, the clothes and the 70’s-isms… there really is a lot to mock. Point is they got it; the family dynamic and the problem and resolution. We had a good conversation.

 

The part that got me though was when 1st grader said “If we had 2 more kids and an old lady that cooks we would BE the Brady bunch!” Okay clearly he wasn’t paying attention to the opening song… pretty self-explanatory. Then 4thgrader chimes in with “We could have foster kids and maybe Betty White could be the cooking lady.” Umm wow…

 

Lost in Brady Bunch Conversation with Boys,

Me

Friday’s Letters; Compression Wear, Wine and or Book Club, Lego’s of Death

January 25th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Friday’s Letters

Dear Medical Grade Compression Wear,

I saw the photo for the brand and my insurance covered the cost, I was a happy girl… until I saw you. I am sorry but you leave a lot to be desired. The photo gives images of sexy and put together, what I received is a bit more along the lines of incredibly thick and unnaturally colored. I am cutting us both some slack, this was our first official meeting, hopefully things will improve.

A tad too sucked in (not to mention tan and shiny),
Me

NOT WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE

Dear Book Club… or Drinking Club,

You are my sanity… my saving grace… my real life social connection. I am am kind of confused though, are we a Book Club that drinks or a Drinking Club that reads? I doesn’t really matter because I am in either way!

Literarily,
Me

Dear Sweet Children,

I am on to your master plan. I know that you are trying to get rid of me. It seems the decided method is death by Lego’s. This time you even added in purple staking cups for good measure. I am not too sure if you wanted to spice things up or see if you could throw me off my game. I am still here, you have not bested me yet. Well, there was that one time I almost went down. The Lego incident of 2011

Still standing,
Me

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Friday’s Letters, toilet acid with Bill Nye, knowledge acquired by age 7, Micheal J Fox showing life with Parkinson’s and I am on twitter (like a boss)

January 18th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Dear Home-ownership,
You’ve reduced my life to a series of repair and domestics that I am slightly uncomfortable with. The fact that I was put into the uncomfortable position of dropping acid last weekend because of you is something I will never forget. Mostly because it was in a toilet and it actually caused smoke. It was like watching Bill Nye the Science Guy only with lots of F bombs.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear 7 Year Old Son,
Thanks for keeping your dad and I in stitches. At the doctors office when he was asked to do things like draw a square, write his name and draw a stick figure. After completing the tasks he asks the doctor “Why did you want me to do that?” the doctor explained that some kids have a hard time doing those things. Dear 7 year old says “You do know I have been alive seven years right?”

Love ya,
Me

Dear Sony Pictures Television,
You are bad ass! I am so happy to hear about the new sitcom where the one and only Micheal J. Fox will play a news anchor dealing with family, career and Parkinson Disease. For those that are not familiar Parkinson Disease, along with Multiple System Atrophy and (my own personal chronic illness of choice) Pure Autonomic Failure are all forms of Primary Autonomic Failure.
Michael J. Fox: ‘As Long As I Play A Guy With Parkinson’s, I Can Do Anything’  <~ link with a video

Excited,
Me

image from screen rant

Dear Twitter,
You have been my social media nemesis, I didn’t understand the hashtag and kept calling my tweets a twit. Oh but the tables have turned… I am tweeting like a boss! Okay maybe not like a boss per se, but I am getting it. You should follow me, like right now. If you do you’ll see fun stuff I’ve tweeted and retweeted (see I know I didn’t retwit). Stuff like “Wanna see white people get excited? Play the intro to “Brass Monkey”.” <~ TRUTH! “Who knew #homeowning would have so much toilet #plunging … I miss on Post maintenance #militarylife” <~~ TRUTH “This cool chick is supposed to be #writingabook and gets distracted… Sorry not a joke, it’s me” <~TRUTH… Twitter is the secret to all truth, okay maybe that is a stretch.

Twittin like a boss,
Me

Holy Mildly Medicated Twitter Batman!  <~ twit link

My Designer Dog; Labradoodle and Goldendoodle discrimination

January 11th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

My dog faces discrimination

God I wish I were joking here but seriously for every 10 “oh my gosh your dog is so cute” I am bound to hear one dissertation on how ‘poodle mixes still cause allergens’ or ‘how in the world could you pay for  an overpriced mutt when there are so many in shelters?’

Crazy thing is it comes from both ends of the dog world spectrum, people with AKC purebreds and people who rescue. So in place of my usual Friday’s Letters, which normally consist of a few quickie lines to inanimate objects or people who cannot or are not interested in defending themselves on my Blog  (like my kids and celebrities) I’ve decided to tackle a few ‘designer dog’ issues.

** If you feel the need to argue these please feel free to comment, you can share this post with others who would like to argue too. The more the merrier J

**If you, like me, think who gives a whahoo about what kind of dog someone has you are pardoned from reading and may just glance at pics of my awesome dog and comment on her cuteness.

Goldendoodle cuteness

Poodle Mixes are not hypoallergenic —

It is true; dogs are animals and cannot be truthfully called hypoallergenic by definition. However many are allergy friendly.  If you find a reputable breeder (yes, I will tackle that next but there ARE reputable doodle breeders) you can work with them on your specific needs. Many people are allergic to a dog’s saliva and or dander. The first generation cross of poodle and lab or golden usually has a wide range of looks as well as shedding. Once you get to what is called an F1B in goldendoodle world, a low to non-shedding goldendoodle with a poodle the results are more consistent.

We did some standard allergy tests on 3 different pups from 2 different litters. My son reacted to one.  Temperament tests were done with the remaining two and we made our choice and signed Maggie up for live in puppy training before we were to pick her up.
Maggie does not shed and we’ve had no allergic reaction to her.
More information can be found at

Goldendoodles make great napping buddies

No reputable Breeder would breed mixes —

By current short definition a reputable breeder breeds to advance their breeding program and for their love and devotion to purebred dogs.  Considering ALL dogs are a product of selective breeding the term purebred is kind of silly. Look for a breeder who screens their dogs for genetic problems, will tell you the good points as well as the bad points of the breed (doodles require lots of grooming), will usually insist puppies sold as pets be spayed/neutered, will usually take back any dog of their breeding at any age. Visit the location, use your judgment.

Goldendoodles are well read

Designer Dog cost hype —

In short, yes. I do believe the price of certain designer dogs is too high. There is a lot of hype over certain breeds like labradoodles and goldendoodles, supply and demand is what determines price. This isn’t necessarily a breeder taking advantage this is an example of a free market. If someone is breeding a quality popular dog the asking price will be higher. Just be sure you are looking at a quality dog, many back yard mom and pop breeders are charging the same or slightly less than some quality breeding facilities with a full staff.

more Goldendoodle cuteness

Why not rescue —

For me personally the allergy testing made rescue seem like not as viable an option, however, don’t assume the couple down the street with three doodle dogs isn’t rescuing! Wonderful agencies deal specifically with doodles. If you are in love with the doodle and want to rescue check out the following sites.

Friday’s Letters; stick people, dysautonomia and Christmas IS OVER

January 4th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Friday’s Letters

Dear people with stick families on the back of your vehicle,
After a long (okay short but meaningful) conversation (okay tweet exchange) with awesome blogger Leanne from IronicMom.com we came up with a new family bonding activity. As we are out and about our kids will be casing the parking lots to add to your very thoughtful artistic family display. We have decided cats, extra spouses and or babies, zombies and maybe a dragon will soon be added.
Lighten up, you started it…
Me

Dear Dysautonomia,
I have called about the referral to the Mayo Clinic, mailed off the updated paper work for the service dog, printed off the disabled parking permit papers, looked at the Military EFMP packet and taken all my meds on time… Do you think you could get off my case for a few weeks…
Sick and tired of being sick and tired,
Me

Dear Christmas décor,
It’s not you, it’s me. I know I got you out and was all excited, I know we played music and reminisced. It seemed very poetic and heartfelt; it really was at the time. I really think it’s over now and I’d like you to go back where you came from. I mean not too far away, I’d like to do this all again next year.
Annually yours,
Me