Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

How to Know You’ve Read A Song of Ice and Fire (and may be obsessed…)

August 28th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

If you’re already lost; A Song of Ice and Fire would be the Games of Thrones series.

Some readers have mentioned it on the Facebook page enough to where I knew I needed to check it out. I am in the middle of the 4th book (A Feast for Crows) and have watched the HBO series. I realize it has been a bit, well, consuming.

How to Know You’ve Read A Song of Ice and Fire (and may be obsessed…)

10. You think of your dog as your direwolf…

direwolf-575x323

9. When your kids come running in the house with a he did it story you ask them if they swear it to the Old Gods and the New.

8. As soon as you realize you have a favorite character again you get nervous.

7. You watched the series and at some point stood up and yelled “THAT IS NOT HOW IT REALLY HAPPENED!”

6. You start panicking that you’ve not made any betrothals for your children yet, all the good matches are surely already taken.

5. Although you love the Stark family Winterfell is much too cold, your next thought is “I am going to have to be from Dorne or maybe Highgraden…”

4. You have a friend who watches the series but hasn’t read the books, you question the strength of said friendship.

3. The kids look at you odd when you refer to them as ser or lordling.

2. You know you’d be an excellent Mother of Dragons.

1. You feel the need to write a blog post because it’s been awhile but you kind of want to get back to the book…

lannister-always-pays-his-debts-mastercard-game-of-thrones

Funny Friday: My Facebook friends are asses.

May 3rd, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

My Facebook friends are asses, kind of awesome asses but yep, asses.

I came out of a chronic illness fog and took a shower, added some fake tanning lotion so I could look a bit more like part of the living world, and actually did my hair. I admit I lost the energy for the effort and threw on a T-shirt and pajama pants and and didn’t even consider make up, but the point is I was more together than normal. Now as my chronic illness peeps know this is a feat for celebration. I needed photographic evidence that I was out of a zombie-like trance.

My photographer is four years old so most of the pics were of my leg or had such a blurry artistic edge I was unidentifiable. So like any 16 year old (or mom with no one around to take a picture) I selfied.

Selfie – A picture taken of yourself that is planned to be uploaded to Facebook, Myspace or any other sort of social networking website. You can usually see the person’s arm holding out the camera in which case you can clearly tell that this person does not have any friends to take pictures of them so they resort to Myspace to find internet friends and post pictures of themselves, taken by themselves.
Urbandictionary.com
 
Ouch Urban Dictionary, I can’t help it that I am home alone geesh!

So on to how my Facebook friends are asses. I mean they are actually awesome but for the record in this post they are asses. I trusted them, I really trusted them. I cannot believe they have put me in this position.

What position you ask…

The position of looking like the crazy lady that brings her dog to Walmart for a photo session. Okay dog lovers, I don’t mean PetSmart photos with Santa or even family photo with your dog included, I am all about that. I mean blue back drop with a “photographer” telling you to look off in the distance (that would be the dog) creating a cheap kind of creepy image.

I am not fishing for compliments, I think its kind of cute… dog looks a tad stoned after looking at it too much during this middle of the night review. For all intent and purposes it is a fine photo and once almost 40 of the Facebook asses liked or commented on it I thought to myslef “self, lets make it a profile pic.”

Well as you know profile pics are tiny, and it looked even more portrait studio crazy.

So I updated my status “I just noticed my profile pic looks like a goofy walmart photo backdrop… it’s a denim couch. You would have told me if I look like walmart photo girl right? Hmm can I really trust you? “
 
So as of now you are thinking holy narcissism woman, who cares about your selfie Facebook picture. I promise it is worth it.

My Facebook friends (who are asses because they didn’t mention this BEFORE) pretty much confirmed my suspicions.  I continued it further by really deciding if it was bad 80’s creepy photo or more of a school picture.

That is when the awesomeness ensued…

I kid you not, this is where the asses became the awesome.

I was sent this…

 

Oh yes and this…

Then this…

If you were wondering I am leaving the original as a profile picture for awhile. Mostly because I don’t feel like showering and doing my hair in the same day but also because it reminds me that my friends are asses, but awesome asses!

HOUR LATER UPDATE: My amazing blogging buddy pal saw this and said “I did tell you that. I made a Walmart comment.” Sure enough on the original pic in with the comments was “Vicky the awesome chick from The Pursuit of Normal “Wow! Walmart had some creative backgrounds. Just kidding;)”

Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness… Heck Yes!

April 4th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Just in case you weren’t sure I am pretty awesome, I mean I have proof…

Yep, that’s mine! Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness! Totally legit Awesome Blogger Award bestowed upon me by a hot mom ranting in her comfy pants <~~ yep right there 

Now Bloggers aren’t much for acceptance speeches, we are more of a ‘let me over share some personal information’. So in that bloggy tradition I’ve been asked to give 10 random facts about me.

1. I am reading a book. No I mean like I am always reading a book. Its a slow month if I have only read 4 books.

2. My favorite books are Young Adult dystopia, I love the coming of age characters thrown into realizing they are living within a corrupt (or no functioning) government.

3. I go through phases of playing Sims… I know, I embarrass myself…

4. I am crazy over Marvel anything and have a special place in my heart for Bruce Banner.

5. I hadn’t broken a bone until last year… I am so used to saying “I’ve never broken a bone” that I caught myself saying it the other day. (we are really getting random here)

6. I watch 0 daytime TV even though I am home all day. Ellen, nope… Soaps.. nahh.

7. I am one of those people who knows the words to every song I have ever heard.

8. Ironic twist… I can not sing.

9. I am not good at the woman venting to each other thing. If you come to me with your problems I assume you want me to help you fix them… so if you just want to vent to me let me know beforehand so I can stop planning the solution and listen to you ;)

10. I took a Personality Test (<~~ take it here) and I am an ISTJ but my S/N was very close. My husband had almost the same exact score as I did.

(oh and now I want to know your personality test thing so tell me… pleeaassee)

Passing out; location, location, location

March 22nd, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Location, location, location… it’s important in more than just real estate!
With hindsight being 20/20 I can tell you I should have chosen to clean the bathroom but instead I chose to bathe my dog.
I was pretty proud of myself, having a goldendoodle can be a lot of grooming maintenance so this was crossing a big thing off the ‘To Do’ list. It also means sitting with a blow dryer for just shy of an hour to get this sweetie pie dry. I actually love this time because its alone time and as a mom of 4 bathing the dog feels like a break.
 After about 30 minutes I felt odd and knew passing out was around the corner. This part of my world with Dysautonomia. It always amazes me how many thoughts I have in those moments beforehand. I slowly take in my immediate surroundings, this is crucial to do as soon as the feeling hits so I can have as much control over where I gracefully place my wilting frame.
Its during this survey of the land that I realize a few things
1. I am in the bathroom 2 boys share
2. This bathroom hasn’t been cleaned in exactly 7 days
3. I can actually see pee at the base of the toilet
So I wake up and honestly can’t decide if I think its funny or terrible. Obviously both because I took this pic when I came out of it so I could show you how gross it was.
My husband just saw the gross side of it and cleaned the boys bathroom when he got home, he is awesome. I still think its kind of funny.
Cute Goldendoodle pics to make you less disgusted at the state of my boys bathroom…

Friday’s Letters; A Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

March 8th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Dear Me,

Sweet 16, I have so many things to share with you but have been mindful to not to give too much. We really don’t want to change the course of things in any major way. You actually end up doing quite well. I will say quickly that your hair, in all its big glory, is going out of style fast. I know, hard to believe! You should go to a stylist, the one your step-mother knows, really talk to her about your hair. The sooner we move on from this teasing thing the better.

Our birthday makes us 16 before other people in our grade. You could be driving and working in your freshman year of HS… I mean I know you’re not but just a few suggestions. Driving and cash would be helpful with several things around the corner.

In all seriousness, you are at a time in life before some big life altering decisions have to be made. Future you will always look back on this time as the easy fun time before things get real. Enjoy it, make goofy noises with your BFF in the hall way and love the feeling of the cool-kids spot in the back of the school bus. You’ll need these memories later, they serve us well. It would be nice to make a few subtle changes that could really help us out though. The boy, yep that boy, stop needing him. He doesn’t define you and surprisingly not only does he not want to but its the thing he dislikes the most.

Also the lying, I know it’s hard, but you have to stop. You’ll learn much later that you do it as a coping defense. I know you; you’re reading this and saying ‘I do not lie’and I know you aren’t doing it much right now because things are good, but you did and you are about to start again. Hon, I am you and know that you are lying to yourself most of all. It’s hard to believe right now but you are good enough without the extra added rewrites to things you keep giving. If you could use the creative rewrites you give to your life and put them on paper with fictional characters it will serve us well later on. I would appreciate it actually; I know you’re afraid of not being good enough but if you start writing the way you want to now I would consider it a personal favor.

Take the time to listen when your friends are talking to you. Again, you are so concerned with if they like you or not that you are not hearing them. I can’t name names because I don’t want it to change your relationships and nothing you do can actually change the events but as of right now you know someone that’s been abused, several actually but someone in particular you’d never expect. You know someone who is considering suicide, and they’ll do it. You know someone who will battle cancer and someone who will face every day with a chronic illness. You know people who will live abroad, run marathons, report the news and become soldiers. These are real people that you have been given the opportunity to get to know, don’t waste it. Oh, and take more pictures.

You should pay attention and really promote safe sex. A lot of people you know are going to end up having babies in the next few years. None of them will regret the amazing children they have and maybe that is exactly how it is supposed to be, but still… no condom no sex. Just an idea…

Be kind to your kid sister. Being a sibling is actually a very important role and she wants you, needs you, to pay attention. She is a great kid with a big heart that only grows bigger in time. Oh, you’re going to have another sister too. We will address that in your 18th birthday letter.

You are about to leave your small town, and I mean a lot sooner than you think. It will be abrupt and you don’t have the coping skills for it. Part of you is about to break, I am sorry but back then I think  I would have wanted to be prepared so it’s the least I can do to give you a heads up. It won’t last long, well forever to you but your Sophomore and Junior year in reality. When you come back everything and everyone will have grown and changed during the time you weren’t there.  When you realize this another part will break and to be honest if we don’t find a way to cope a part of us will be frozen and confused about people and expectations for a long time. Find words for what is going on; say them, write them but most of all share them. It would be a good habit.

By the way, your parents (including step parents) are real people, they have had complicated relationships and life experiences. You can talk to them. If you tell them how you feel (not the dramatic rewrite that sounds like a slightly more marketable after school special version of how you feel) it might be easier for them to act in your best interest. You can’t embellish, act, erupt and shut down and expect people to understand who you are.

Just so you know, keep on being a hopeless romantic.  You really will be swept off your feet by a good looking faithful man who will love you not only despite all your flaws and Carrie-isms but crazy enough he loves you for them. He will support you, forgive you and cherish you. It doesn’t mean it’s all easy, but when you love someone and they love you back it isn’t chaotic or a battle of wills. So please say goodbye to the wrong ones a little faster.

I know, I know. You want to wrap this up so you can listen to the Top Five at nine and try and record your favorite song of the moment, maybe The Humpty Dance from Digital Underground or I Wanna Sex You Up from Color Me Badd, oh or is it Losing My Religion from REM.  By the way you still know all the words and get supper giddy when any of the songs you listen to now come on.

You are awesome!

Me, or You… whatever

PS I almost included a pic so you can see how things turn out but at 16 the image for real happily ever after might look a little… well not what you have in mind at 16. You’ll just have to wait and see.

5 things to think about before saying to someone with a chronic illness (especially if you are an ass)

March 4th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

In the chronic illness community we have a lot of inside laughs and some venting about things we hear pretty often. There is an entire website built around the ever so popular reaction of but you don’t look sick. So I thought I would poke some fun at things I have heard myself and have had others tell me people have said to them.

~ The ever popular “but you don’t look sick”

What I rationally know you are saying is “I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you are chronically sick, you look healthy” (I internally can replace healthy with ‘smoking hot’ if I need an ego boost)

What I hear on a grumpy day, or if you are in fact an ass. “There is no way it can be that bad, you look fine.”

If you can imagine for a minute the last time you were sick, remember that first day or the tail end of it when you were wiped out but had to get your act together to go to work, church or social event? Yeah, that is me on a good day. I can get my act together and with enough time I can get the hair done and the make up on. Please don’t undermine my condition by my effort to have some normalcy.

~ You’re on Facebook a lot / You post pictures a lot (replace with anything done from home really)

What I rationally know you are saying is “you’re on Facebook a lot” see I am not irrational, I might even add an internal “you’re on Facebook a lot and you are hilarious, I look forward to your posts.”

What I hear on a grumpy day, or if you are in fact an ass “Good God have you nothing better to do?” or “You post pictures doing things, it can’t be that bad”.

Yes, I am on FB… a lot. I have it on my phone and iPad which are with me all the time. I spend more time “relaxing” than most so I tend to use things like social media as a main form of social activity. I am not having lunch with friends or making small talk with work friends. I post pics pretty often because if I am putting the effort into getting out it is kind of exciting for me. When I am feeling good I want to shout it from the roof tops, so yep… you’re probably gonna hear about it.

~ My Aunt (neighbor, sister’s friend) had something like that and she got better after eating blah blah (taking blah blah or spontaneously healed after doing blah blah)

What I rationally know you are saying is “I hope there is a chance for you to be better one day” and I do too.

What I hear on a grumpy day, or if you are in fact an ass “you are clearly not doing something well enough because my Aunt/neighbor/sister’s friend is better now.”

I promise that I am in very regular communication with specialists. If broccoli is the cure I am going to hear about it.

~ “At least it isn’t terminal”

What I rationally know you are saying is “it could be worse, you have a lot to be thankful for.” Let me tell you I don’t take this lightly. I cannot imagine the impact a terminal illness has on a person and loved ones. I am thankful that my condition is not terminal.

What I hear on a grumpy day, or if you are in fact an ass “it’s not like you’re dying.” By the way this was said to me by a doctor while in the ER… grumpy day and he was an ass… So is this the new measure on how I should weigh news? So the next time you get horrible news, something really upsetting, imagine the person delivering it adding at the end “hey at least you’re not dying”, seriously! At what point does someone else need to point out that the good news here is that you’re not dying?

~ “You shouldn’t dwell on it so much”

What I rationally know you are saying is “I worry that the focus on your not being well is negative.” See, on a rational level I get what you are saying.

What I hear on a grumpy day, or if you are in fact an ass “OMG this again”.

This is life altering and impacts my family every day, even on my good days. There are many things about me other than my illness. I love reading, I have been an Army wife for more than a decade, I am a mom of four kiddos, I have a new fixation with hair braiding and am a loyal Walking Dead fan.

I chose to be open about Dysautonomia. It was an decision my husband and I made, talking about the pros and cons of letting people know the details. If all you know about me is my illness then kudos to me bringing awareness to someone who didn’t really want to get to know much else about me.

This post was brought to you by dumb things people say and ecards :)

Friday’s Letters; Texas Roadhouse and the nuts…

February 22nd, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Dear Texas Roadhouse wait staff,

I swear I am a a great mom and I try to be an awesome person. I do not know why when my family comes into your restaurant I end up saying the most unfiltered things. The first time I thought it was because I had a drink and I am a light weight these days due to my becoming a bit of a shut it (okay mild exaggeration) and also my over all opinion that drinking alone just makes me laugh out loud and so often I make myself feel awkward (true story) so I don’t drink much.

So the first time I started this trend of embarrassing my family at your establishment, which I of course shared publicly right here during a confessions of a Mildly Medicated Mom, I think we all thought it was a fluke. My boys, at the time 7 and 9, were busy cracking peanuts and mom was sipping on some frozen fruitiness drink with a goal of feeling fuzzy. College town, packed place and cute waitress all around when I decide to give my sons the praise they deserve “Thanks for taking care of your nuts under the table!” Woa… the music stopped as I said this way to loud cause I am in that ‘I love you man’ phase of fuzzy. Ahh we laughed, we almost cried… well older son almost cried.of embarrassment and my husband and I almost cried because that was hilarious.

So we went a few nights ago and in the car we even had a laugh about the comment. I will be damned if when the waitress comes for our order I was not feeling great so I was a bit distracted, and I am ordering for 3 kids and myself and good god if someones order is wrong… well its high stakes (pun  intended sorry). While I am reciting the details of meals outside of my view the hubs smashes a peanut on his forehead . I was annoyed, ‘I am trying to get YOUR orders correct could you kids calm down’ is on the tip of my tongue.. and then BAM! My 7 year old smashes a peanut shell on his forehead so hard it shocks all of us. My immediate response was “GOOD LORD SON DO NOT SMASH NUTS ON YOUR FACE!”

I’ll be damned, it was in between songs again! The boys (including my husband) tried to keep it together, they really did, but of course what boys wouldn’t lose it over that one. Any hint of the words nut or ball, even if I ask “Do you want cheese balls” is grounds for my 10 year old to fall apart in hysterics then pulling the 7 year old in with him. The hubs is falling apart because 1) totally his fault and 2) the obvious yet unintended sexual innuendo which at this point was well over the kids heads (give em a few years and they’ll laugh all over again at these). My hubs owned up to starting it and I just shook my head mumbling things like ‘who does that’ until our food came.

I just hope you continue to find us amusing because we do love it there…

A few nuts shy of the circus,
Me

Friday’s Letters: Celebrities in the Hood!

February 15th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

I don’t do writing prompts often, and when I do I usually break all the rules anyway…

So instead of  “Five People (from any time in history)You Would Like to Have Dinner With” I have chosen to give my top 5 ALIVE NOW (no dead people, that’s yucky) celeb families I’d like to move into my neighborhood.

Dear celebrities that I would like to move into my neighborhood,

While I have to admit I have a pretty awesome crew of friends I wouldn’t mind any of these families being new additions around the corner. It will be great, we can bring each other meals when we are sick, have Moms Night Out and even host some football parties and stuff. I am not the interview type and I am not looking to touch your sleeve or anything creepy. Just solid book club and family friendly block parties. So if you are looking for a new place let me know.

Thanks for considering my hood,
Me

Drum Roll Please:

The Affleck- Garner crew-

Are they not the BOMB!?!

The Hasselbeck crew-

I would even be cool enough to say “Hey, umm guys…
you have something right there… yeah on your lip”
pic from http://milksociety.blogspot.com

The Spelling (or is it McDermott) crew:

My hood needs more people
walking a leashed goat and wheel barreled kids!
pic from from US Weekly
The Shields crew-

aboutmovies.com

The Fox crew-

“A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Cure Parkinsons’ Event

So, who do you want in your hood?

Fridays’s Letters: Morning Announcements, Lights and The Brady Bunch

February 1st, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Dear Children,

Yes, I make announcements. At some point during the day I try to keep an even tone without being a creepy mom and say, “There will be no running, no yelling, and no playing anything in the house that includes running, yelling or touching for that matter. Please pick up after yourself. Reminder; you will be asked to help clean up at some point, please refrain from eye rolling and huffing as you know it is coming already it should not surprise or depress you.”  After a few slouches and huffs I reply, “Yes, I am aware these are the same announcements every day. Yes, I am glad you understand these are the same announcements every day.”

So if you find this as redundant as I do WHY ARE YOU RUNNING IN THE HOUSE?

Confused (because I have faith that you understand),

Me

Dear First Grade Curriculum,

Let’s start covering the conservation of electricity, I could use the help. I will say curriculum, I know it is not your burden alone but during my announcements I have added “and turn off the light when you leave the room” in response to EVERY LIGHT ON THE MAIN FLOOR BEING ON. I added in my spiel “I know you guys cover electricity and water conservation in school.”  My 4th grader said yes and rattled off ways to conserve on both water and electricity, mind you this is why I have faith that you guys understand. Our 1st grader, in a very serious tone, added “That is not part of 1st grade education.”

So in hindsight you probably are covering it, maybe we need some coloring pages…

Wasted Energy,

Me

Dear Brady Bunch,

Y’all really are timeless. My boys were channel flipping and watched 2 classic episodes. They actually liked it. I mean after they were done mocking the hair, the clothes and the 70’s-isms… there really is a lot to mock. Point is they got it; the family dynamic and the problem and resolution. We had a good conversation.

 

The part that got me though was when 1st grader said “If we had 2 more kids and an old lady that cooks we would BE the Brady bunch!” Okay clearly he wasn’t paying attention to the opening song… pretty self-explanatory. Then 4thgrader chimes in with “We could have foster kids and maybe Betty White could be the cooking lady.” Umm wow…

 

Lost in Brady Bunch Conversation with Boys,

Me

Symptoms of Dysautonomia, Side Effects of Medications and a What that f@ck to Pharmacology

January 8th, 2013 by Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

Now unless you are really interested in Dysautonomia you can just gloss over the list of symptoms and the side effects of the meds. The point really isn’t to show that the symptoms suck, that is pretty obvious, same for the side effects of the meds I take for it. So get your speed reading skills ready… on your mark… get set…Go!

Symptoms of Dysautonomia (you can find more information at Dinet.org)

Dizziness, Tachycardia, Bradycardia, Exercise intolerance, Clamminess, Anxiety, Flushing, Postprandial hypotension, Blood pooling in limbs, Intolerance to heat, Feeling cold all over, Low blood pressure upon standing, Cognitive impairment (may include difficulties with concentration, brain fog, memory and/or word recall), Narrowing of upright pulse pressure, Hypovolemia, High blood pressure, Hyperventilation, Numbness or tingling sensations, Reduced pulse pressure upon standing, Low back pain, Aching neck and shoulders , Noise sensitivity, Light Sensitivity, Disequalibrium, Disabling Fatigue, Sleep disorders, Headache/migraine, Myofascial pain, Neuropathic pain, Bloating after meals, Nausea, Vomiting,  Abdominal pain, Diarrhea, Constipation, Bladder dysfunction, Pupillary dysfunction , Blurred Vision, Tunnel vision, Arrhythmias, Chemical sensitivities, Easily over-stimulated, Food allergies/sensitivities, Hyperreflexia, Irregular menstrual cycles, Loss of appetite, Loss of sex drive, Muscle aches and/or joint pains, and Swollen nodules/lymph nodes, Polydipsia (excessive thirst)

 

Normal Side effects from the medications I take (not the worst case allergic reactions)

(you can look up information on medications at Drugs.com) (*yes that is a website)
drowsiness or dizziness; problems with memory or concentration; excitement, irritability, aggression, or confusion; loss of balance or coordination; nausea, constipation; headache, chills or goosebumps; itching or tingling of the skin; increased need to urinate or difficulty with urination; feeling of pressure or fullness in the head; dryness of the mouth; nervousness or anxiety cold symptoms such as runny or stuffy nose, sneezing, cough, sore throat; mood changes; sleep problems (insomnia), nightmares; headache, ear pain; mild fever; feeling hot; diarrhea, pain in your upper stomach; dry mouth, increased thirst; loss of interest in sex, impotence, difficulty having an orgasm, muscle weakness, loss of balance or coordination; slurred speech, drooling or dry mouth, sore gums; runny or stuffy nose; loss of appetite, blurred vision; headache; sleep problems (insomnia); skin rash; or weight gain.

Again, this isn’t intended to be a woe is me, it is intended to be a ‘What that f@ck pharmacology community’??!! You mean to tell me you just cannot come up with a medication that actually treats a medical condition that causes a few things like maybe maintain ideal weight for height, clear radiating skin or maybe restful sleep. I really think any medication that can possibly cause loss of interest in sex, impotence and/or difficulty having an orgasm should immediately be scrapped and started over. I mean really??

 

While we are on the topic of scrapping a medication and starting over; any pill that is the size of half a normal sized woman’s finger AND causes weight gain is just WRONG.

Disclaimers
* This post is written in good humor. Take your damn meds!!